A letter to simon my son
deborah wahbi
30 May 2020
Simon,what can be said,13 years have passed but the pain has not,it is as sharp as that fateful morning when i was told of the accident.Everyday i hear those words, words that tore away part of my heart.I try so hard to draw on the memories of happy times when touhami and i saw you when we laughed and even briefly argued, but would give so much to have all those times again.I remember you telling me i had to stand up for myself,not let people trample on me,you were quite annoyed.I cried, said that i couldn't because that was how i had been for all my life and people expected me to practically kowtow to them they wouldnt expect anything else.Now things have changed radically,i stand up for myself completely,i am not afraid to comment or complain on any issue,im not rude with it, i dont complain over silly things,heaven forbid, poor Touhami silently groans if i pipe up about something in public!but my train of thought now is what can happen?apart from someone/thing striking me down,someones' response to a remark i make is not going to kill me, it cant hurt me,the pain i feel in your death is the greatest pain i have ever felt,any parent would agree, it is wrong to lose a child,so very wrong,I AM Stronger BUT i am still heartbroken,i still cry quietly for you everyday Touhami is so patient and caring,things one way or anothr have not been easy for him,but he helps me as much as he can physically and mentally.neither of us are very well,our health has big issues but we are coping with things as best as we can.You would be so proud of him,the wee man you called him.Knocking on 6foot now! He looks like you in many ways and his voice on the 'phone, it takes me by surprise every time!He broke his heart losing his big bruvver,he loved and respected you,still does. i have sobbed loudly when we have been speaking about you,he just puts his arms round me and tells me he understands.i wish i could Simon,i never will.you were so kind so caring so loved. xxx mamma